Chapter V: THE TENDER PASSION

It is idle to deny that I was a handsome man.

Something also of a dandy, my appeal to women must have been terrific

They were also attracted by my Norman descent, for it was common knowledge that one of my ancestors, Sir Ikimo de Medici, had come over with the Conqueror.

Always susceptible, I quickly fell in love. My first innamorata was the daughter of a lion tamer, and herself, although a Suffragette, in that romantic profession.

Her father disapproved of the intimacy, and we had to correspond clandestinely. She would write and seal her letter, and then place it inside a football, and leave it for me in the place agreed upon.

My second love was the lady golf champion of Golder's Green.

Dear Honoria - she inherited from her uncle, Sir Felix Chalkstones, one of the neatest ankles in the Home Counties.

Unfortunately she was a deaf mute, and when we met our sweet nothings had to be conveyed by the clumsy method of sign language.

My third was Lily, who never wrote, but communicated with me on the telephone.

- Dear, brave Lily, who in the dark days struggled so hard to support her mother and poor ailing Susan.

But at last I met my fate - Lady Brenda Birdseye. I had motored over to her father's seat - Cavendish Court. I wandered through the house; it was empty. Lunch was not yet cleared away.

The tennis court was deserted;

but in a hammock in the shrubbery I chanced upon her - asleep. It seemed a pity to disturb her dreams. I gazed, and was fascinated.

Fond fool - I thought that Lady Brenda smiled upon me. She seemed to like me to pay for her lunch. We were often to be seen together at Ranelagh.

But I was living in a fool's paradise - she loved another. The news came to me as I was eating my breakfast.

Could it be true? But to whom was she engaged? To Lord Kempton, that cur.

What was I to do? To hail and leap into a taxi was the work of a moment.

The maid said she was not at home. I said I must see her. She saw me. I heard afterwards how she had braced herself for the effort.

I vowed to be revenged on my rival, even if I had to follow him to the bottom of the sea.

She gave me no hope and I left her in despair. For days I lived on nothing but a few sandwiches.

Then I grew more philosophic and tried other means to forget her,

but in vain. It was no good, I took to my bed; and for some months my life was despaired of.

On recovering sufficiently, I determined to seek peace of mind in travel.